million dollar thoughts

I saw Million Dollar Baby last night and was totally unprepared for how hard it would be to watch. I don't like it when stories are too good to be true, but I also don't like it when they end without hope! Anyway, I cried. A lot. I held myself back from sobbing, but only because I was in a theater. I kept asking what I could take away from it (sometimes I'm good at over analyzing things to find meaning) and I decided that since, to me, it ended so hopelessly, I could look at the opposite and find what there is meaning and hope in. Meaning is found in relationship, not necessarily religion. There is hope to live even though all meaning in life is taken away, Jesus is enough, while we long for fulfillment of that hope eternally.

After the movie, I went to a friends house to chat. We talked about waiting on answers from God, about how to pass on the knowledge that Jesus is real, about faith. I had so much on my mind and heart from the movie and just from my prayers lately. When I left, the bus had long since stopped running for the night, so I walked home in the mist. I continued to unfold my heart to the Lord as I walked, and I had the sense of Him being there, as close as the mist on my face. I thanked Him for how He's teaching me to wait, even as I continued to ask for answers to my prayers. I remembered that my life is like a vapor, so short. I thanked Him for the depths that He's creating in me, the emotions He's given me, and asked for more love for Him, more dependence on Him.

"For your love is better than wine...draw me after you; let us run. The king has brought me into his chambers." - Song of Solomon 1:2,4